"so. what will I say?
tell the angels?
I got drunk in the snow and sang and played pirates?
yes, I'll tell them.
I'm ready now, to be an angel."



(oh but my wendla was blonde and tiny and doll-like. it seems she always dies on stage (or in the curtains, as the case may be), I've seen her as kim and missed her as éponine. rain&bullets&fog&angelmakers, the poor child. and the boys who love her (if only for a breath, "you know, mr marius--") and leave her all alone, without a way out, every time.)


(the stars fell, I saw no wires.)

"sä olet puhdasta valoa kun täältä lähdet."
(you'll be pure light once you leave this place.
our version of those you've known)


(here we had things of how a parent's responsibility is now over that their child is dead. somehow, it caught my breath.
and in whispering how little miss ruined her chance to get into heaven.)

"a shadow passed, a shadow passed, yearning, yearning, for the fool it called home"



"where I go, when I go there
no more memory anymore
only men on distant ships
the women with them
swimming with them
to the shore."



(oh how I cried.)
 

"'What did you like in your life as a child?'
'I liked birds. They're pretty, they're free, they fly. I used to spend my time watching them. All my pocket money went on buying turtle-doves at the market, which I then freed. I loved that: I would take that warm, palpitating body in both my hands, release it into the sky and it would become master of the air. I tried to fly with them in my imagination.'"

(really I wanted a picture of the ceiling as waves. or him disappearing into the dark with the dolphin. going home, mermaid songs.)

1. they dive to the bottom of the swimming pool, sit there&pour each other wine. paramedics, froth at his friend's mouth.
then a hotel room, he is still in his fine clothes (maybe not as wet as they should've been?) & the girl with blonde hair&blue eyes&way too much love for him (because he is kind&gentle&from another world&never quite sees her because air does that sort of things to his eyes, just like our air is too raw for the painter in in america, who has nothing in his fridge but meds&who is in love with life&will die) & she's angry because he was crazy, he lies on the bed in the fancy hotel room in his fine wet clothes. "my wallet?" she gives a little half-angry, half-gentle head motion, "it's here." "there's something I want to show you. this is my family." there's a picture of a dolphin, sea sprinkles&little teeth&laughter. he bursts into tears.

2. "you were right. it's much better down there... it's a better place. push me back in the water."

3. after his friend has died, he has a feverish dream. first it's flickers of light through his ceiling, like light playing on water. then blue light. and the sea seeps through his ceiling&then it's there&slowly coming nearer, the waves growing higher&he isn't afraid, reaching his hand towards the water&it swallows him&there are dolphins everywhere&his nose is bleeding.

4. he isn't speaking, he never was, he is urgent, running, she screams after him&no reply, no reply. &she is the one to send him down, to let him go. it's night&there's darkness in the depth&it's cold&he is coming home. when he gets as far as the line will take him, he looks at the darkness around him, hopeful. a dolphin swims near, he reaches out his hand. it won't come close enough, &he hesitates&lets go of the line&the dolphin takes him away, takes him home. end credits.

5. "I'm looking for something I'll never reach."

also, there's stupid humour&bad acting&lots of pasta&I cried at the end, somehow surprised at the inevitable.
(&it was a shorter version, half the quotes I've never heard, &only his father mentioned mermaids before he drowned.)

I'm OK, but sort of jealous of this:
"You go down to the bottom of the sea, where the water isn't even blue anymore, where the sky is only a memory, and you float there, in the silence. And you stay there, and you decide, that you'll die for them. Only then do they start coming out. They come, and they greet you, and they judge the love you have for them. If it's sincere, if it's pure, they'll be with you, and take you away forever."

but my version was simpler, with less words&more of a sinking feeling when you know&hope&know.